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Fifty Shades of Doug (Why I Gave Up Saw Palmetto)

Fifty shades of Doug is better than 50 shades of humiliation.

Guys past 40 know what I am talking about. And ladies, I ask you in a gentleman fashion not to laugh. Because, this is really, really annoying. I don’t like talking about and I sure as heck don’t like the “test.” So, I attempted to avoid this horrible fate. This meant taking massive amounts of the herb saw palmetto. It is proven to shrink the prostrate. And, believe me, with this kind of pressure, it threatens Fifty Shades of Doug.

The thing was, I personally did not notice any difference or hear of any difference whenever I had that test or gave a blood sample. This is not to completely ignoring that popular herb. I used to take it while in my twenties as it reportedly lowered congestion and promoted kidney health. (I was going into exhaustion at the time and was shot-gunning herbal cures.) It also promotes hair growth and may promote breast enlargement in women. (Not sure on that last. No test subjects at this time.)

So, back to prostate testing, here is what I found out.

  1. The physical inspection is not always accurate.
  2. The blood test is not always accurate.

The grope test does detect enlarged prostrate gland, which may or may not be cancerous. It is one method of early detection. (I avoided it at every opportunity, even when I was in the army. But, there was this old, really cranky, female civilian doctor who insisted on doing it. Later, I found out that she was performing the same test on young men in their twenties. She was promptly fired. Burn in hell, you sick old bat!)

Now most blood tests detect the presence of Prostrate Specific Antigens (PSAs), which is an immune response. It can be many things causing it. So, when my PSA reading went from two point something to over 7.2, the doctor got concerned and I was about to go “under the knife.”

But, I had a good doctor and he asks some questions and did some research. It turned out that riding my bike to the testing clinic raised the PSA in my blood. Yeah, it was the pressure of that narrow axe blade of a seat hammering into you-know-where that was making those extra PSAs. Mystery solved. No cutting Doug open. Whew.

In the meantime, I was trying to figure out the other symptom of a suspected enlarge prostrate: frequent bathroom trips. This really sucked. Especially while running a half marathon as I lost a good 85 seconds stopping for a bathroom break. (Next race, I just wear dark shorts!).

After trying different herbs, like stinging nettle and horsetail (both super cheap or free), I noticed less bathroom trips. But, the biggest change came after I just calmed down. I took the time out to meditate, exercise with moderate/heavy weights, took saunas, ate more complex carbohydrates (carbs cause water retention), talked with a therapist and supplemented my diet with vitamins and minerals.

Did I mention calming down? (Did I also mention dropping the shame and guilt from the baggage train? Maybe time to get off of that ride.) How does calming down and dumping emotional baggage assist fifty shades of Doug?


Dump that baggage. Get the R & R.

Soldiers and most athletes have the ability to doze off prior to intense situations like competition. Much the same as lions, badgers, crocodiles and other dangerous animals. These predators have the ability to sleep or remain still and relaxed for long periods of time. Then they can unload with incredible speed and strength.

I recall this kick-boxer, Nick Penner whom I was in the same waiting room with before our matches. It was amazing at how he could eat and sleep prior to a match. Most of us were too wired to eat, let alone sleep. But, he trained, ate and slept like a professional athlete and always performed well.

Prior to a match (or even during a parachute jump) I’d force myself to stay calm and tell my fighters to adopt the same. The kick-boxers who ran around expending their energy usually did not fair so well.

Learning to relax, improved my strength. Those short naps improved my strength and ability to concentrate.

Getting back to the frequent urination thing. You often see that in frightened little dogs. They pee when scared and they seem perpetually nervous. The calmer, healthy, confident dogs don’t pee that often (and probably save it for peeing on small nervous dogs).

The physically active males tend to have less health problems than unhealthy males, especially in the area of said mentioned gland, prostate problems, high blood pressure, stress and lame relationships. The same is said for females. Train, eat and sleep like athletes and you generally will have better health, less illness and a stronger charged libido.

Learn more in Flat Gut After 50.

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